Being a “funner” I don’t go to class very often. All of our lectures are streamed; you can watch them in the comfort of your PJs, which is the state I like to be in most. But on Tuesday, my friend Katy texted me and told me to come to a wilderness medicine lecture! Wilderness medicine! I hate the outdoors! The topic of the hour was snake bites and apparently the lecturer had brought live snakes for show-and-tell.
Let me tell you about something. I come from a long line of snake-fearing ancestors. I am no exception. My grandmother lived in a rural town in Louisiana and had to fight off the serpents herself. She used to tell me that she was going outside to do a “baptism”, which really meant whacking a snake on its head and then decapitating it. My family doesn’t like snakes.
But I have a weird interest in them. I will not hold one but I don’t think I could kill one either. So, I got myself over to campus in semi-real clothes and walked into the meeting a little bit late but before the snake-wrangling began. The power-point slides showed some gruesome bites. Apparently if you compartmentalize the venom, (for example with a tight tourniquet or ice ), the area of the bite might explode! It’s a common thing! I am learning some crazzzy stuff in medical school. One student raised his hand and asked what you should do if you are in an isolated area, away from any other humans, and receive a venomous bite. The lecture responded with a simple, “are you a praying man”?
Hmmmm. Bring on the snakes? The lecturer reached over to a giant box and pulled out an equally giant albino python named “Bubba”. No way jose was I going near it but to my surprise a lot of my classmates couldn’t wait to run over and give it a hug. I’m assuming that this is because they actually belong to the “wilderness medicine” club and I want nothing to do with wilderness in general. Even more surprising, my two friends Katy and Kendra grabbed one!
The following conversation ensued:
Me: Katy! How did you hold it weren’t you sooo scared???
Katy: No way! He just wrapped himself around my wrist like a little bracelet. He is an assessssory.
I came out of the shower yesterday to see this. He didn’t just chew on the candles. He carefully extracted the wick from each one. My pups got talent!